I've never been good at math...

Sorry I party! It is important to figure allergies out at a young age.

In the spirit of full disclosure, here goes nothing! A couple of months ago, I was at the pediatrician with a nasty case of pink eye. I was sitting in a chair made for a smurf, pounding out emails on my iPhone with a cup of Starbucks in my hand. I looked around and was the only person over the age of 8. It was a pivotal moment in my life. I decided it was time to grow up, and see a big girl doctor. After a tearful goodbye (mostly because of the pink eye) to my lifelong doctor. I asked my dad to refer me to his big boy doctor. A week later, I head to Dr. Taylors office for a “meet and greet”. I am sure that doctors don’t call it a “meet and greet” but I am an event planner, so that’s what I will call it! When he first walked into the room, he said “Kara, how are you? You’re dad told me you were coming in when I saw him on the golf course.” First red flag! They are friends? MY DOCTOR, who I tell personal details to CANNOT be friends with MY DAD! I let that slide. Dr. Taylor started with the questions.

Do you workout?
Yes!
Do you drink?
Yes.
Often?
Yes and yes.
Drugs?
Are you offering?
Are you sexually active?
Yes
Are you on birth control?
Uh huh.
His last question was a huge shocker! How long have you been in a relationship with this person?
To which I replied, “Who, I’m not in a relationship!”

I have never been good at back peddling. I just let him have that one. He warned me of the dangers of being a huge whore and I walked out of his office with that feeling that I really need to re-evaluate a few things. I went back to work, and got on trusty gchat. I can always count on my friends to rationalize things for me. Carly said, “It doesn’t make your insurance go up, so that means it’s okay. It is obviously more dangerous to have a red convertible than multiple sexual partners. Tell your doctor to get a job at Nationwide Insurance.” (She’s funny) Lauren says, “I’ll have sex with a side of never call me again.”(So is she.) I felt better and chalked the whole situation up to my doctor not getting laid in a long time.

That was until I went to my OBGYN appointment last week. I went to a new guy, Dr. Wood, (no pun intended with the name) because my girl doctor (who understands) was too busy to violate me. After that same string of questioning where he asked me the DREADED number, Dr. Wood told me that I should plan out how many partners I want to have in my lifetime and decide on a partner based on how close I am to that number. REALLY??? I feel like he should grow a vagina, date a guy, and get back to me on that piece of infinite wisdom. Here is my general rule, take it or leave it: If there are boxes to check on the forms, and the highest increment is 5+, you take a page out of the Ele handbook and say, “Sometimes a girl needs a half.”

Good luck at your appointment this afternoon, Lauren! Can’t hardly wait to hear about it.

Kara