RE: I've never been good at math.

Well...it happened had my first gynecologist visit in a new state. Anytime you have to go to a new doctor it's kinda frightening. But when they happen to be checking out your mommy parts...well that's a whole new kind of frightening. People don't normally get to see those unless you pull a Lilo or Brit and forget the panties underneath a cute and flowy sundress or after 2 vodka water and limes, 4 miller lites, and 3 shots of Jameson (iiiick).

This topic started because of Kara's whole terriyfing experience with her new doc. I mean, "What's your number?" is certainly not a question you want asked by parent, new boyfriend, or doctor that hits the links with your Dad twice a week. Even though that patient/doctor confidentiality thing seems to be kinda legit, it's pretty scary when you know your father and that he can pretty much sell anything to anyone at anytime. (Yes, our dad's have power with people..which I don't understand. Yet hope that one day we can inherit such cosmic powers.)

I digress...back to the my doctor visit. Normally I am not afraid to visit a new place or a new doctor's office but the thought of Kara's questioning made my palms sweaty. I didn't want to be judged by how many men had been on the train to my penetration station. That's my own business...please insert lyrics from Salt n Pepa's "None of your business" here! But it was important for me to give a great first impression....so a little question of my own haunted me. To shave...or not to shave...? I understood Hamlet's confusion when I asked Kara the question...which of course she laughed and responded, "SHAVE! You don't want anyone to get confused when they're down there." Sometimes I really believe that she is wise beyond her years.

This is probably the same reasoning college girls started shaving before the weekend festivities. Boys drink themselves stupid, we need to make it easier on ourselves. I mean c'mon...we all have needs people. Anyways, I make sure that I groom myself properly and head off to the doctor. Seems like I had nothing to worry about, she was a smart, young, pretty doctor with all the sass and attitude that I needed. I knew we hit it off when she said, "On the questionairre, how you responded to question 15: Do you plan on having children? You answered in all caps, 'DISTANT FUTURE.' (She laughs and whips out a pen and tablet) So I take it we're going to be needing some birth control today. What kind do you use?"

So Kara, my assumption is that your doc is an ass! Get someone that doesn't judge you and also gives out birth control like it's Halloween night. Because certainly you're turning tricks, and the only treat that you want is the ability to leave worry free in the morning. :-)

Lauren